Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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