the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
