Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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