then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
