Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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