I'll bet she douches with gravy.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
