I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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