anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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