Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
