so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
