Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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