I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Text me some of your sweat
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