I think i peed on brittanys purse
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
