He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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