i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
