How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
