There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
