Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
