tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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