These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
