Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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