GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
