I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dear god my vagina.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
