Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize