Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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