areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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