no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
