dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he shaved USA in his pubs
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
