Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
