He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
