My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
