this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
