what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Drunk is not a location!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
