All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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