I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
