im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
