Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
