There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
