omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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