Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize