So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
