The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
