i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize