i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
