perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
