it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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