On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
