Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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