I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
