we made out on top of his cat.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
