he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize