Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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