At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
