i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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