how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it's great music for shaving your balls
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
