I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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