Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
