Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
