Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You are the jesus of drinking
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
