never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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