so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
