What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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