we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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