Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
