You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
