My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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