he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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