last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
