Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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