Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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