I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
