she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize