I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
