dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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