why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
