Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
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