made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
